Grace & Courtesy, Helping Children Learn Social Graces
By Heather White
Article provided by the American Montessori Society, Family Connections Newsletter
Around 2½ years old, a child enters a sensitive period for social skills or manners. Maria Montessori referred to these skills as Grace and Courtesy. At this time, the child has an interest in exploring social skills and a heightened ability to master these new behaviors quickly and with ease and will learn them from parents, caregivers, and teachers. They will carry the manners they absorb and establish at a young age with them throughout their life.
Grace and Courtesy is a hallmark of the Montessori Method and can be applied both in the classroom and in everyday life. It is also important to note that it is a multifaceted concept, one that is demonstrated in many diverse ways. In the classroom, explicit Grace and Courtesy lessons are introduced to children and these skills are woven naturally into each interaction. Teachers are encouraged to incorporate lessons that reflect the cultural norms and practices of people globally. Concepts as simple as learning to put away an activity when they are finished, so another student can use it, help a child to understand social norms. The classroom teachers regularly model mindful behaviors that students should replicate, such as holding the door open for someone or saying hello.
Experiences in Grace and Courtesy allow the child in Early Childhood to explore managing oneself and establishing when and where certain behaviors are appropriate; the Elementary child to understand how to manage their developing relationships with others, and the adolescent to establish a sense of social self and control by encouraging self-governing.
TODDLERHOOD AND EARLY CHILDHOOD
Around the time a child turns two, they will begin to enjoy playing with other children, rather than working alongside them. As with any other skill, however, they will need to learn how to do so with grace and courtesy. Providing opportunities for young children to spend time with other kids their age will allow them to practice these new skills. Modeling manners and courtesies for the child in the home, in daily life, and with others will allow them to absorb these behaviors naturally.
Children at this age can practice:
✱ How to handle coughing and sneezing mindfully
✱ How to follow directions
✱ How to greet others
✱ How to interrupt mindfully
ELEMENTARY
The elementary-aged child is a social being by nature. They love spending time engaging with their peers. At this stage, children are developing their place in groups and society and beginning to understand the impact of their actions on others. Lessons in Grace and Courtesy are not simply lessons in being polite. These lessons should be grounded in healthy perspective-taking to help the Elementary child learn to think of and advocate for others and act in ways that are in service to their peers and community.
Children at this age can practice:
✱ How to introduce oneself
✱ How to wait for one’s turn
✱ How to give and receive compliments
✱ How to navigate humor appropriately
Article provided by the American Montessori Society, Family Connection Newsletter. See the full Newsletter here.